an apple sized cyst dangling
from my liver
picked, 49 staples
graft me together
margins clear
certainty bruised
five years, five percent
survival
a fear tree
quietly takes root
tendrils into future
tissue, the wonderful
unbearable knowing
of a life’s end
on a scrap of white paper
I pencil a wish to stay
place it in a jar
lid screwed tight,
and bury it
in back field
each spring, blood work
and scans tick April's calendar
new buds of worry
push into ventricles, lungs
heart beats faster
breath gets short
at five years, I stand
in the tender field
dig up the jar
hold the wish
in my fist
unfurl my hand
__________________
originally published in Sky Island Journal, Fall 2022